saltfishandbake:

people: omg how are you single????

me *internally*: because i have deeply rooted emotional issues and a debilitating fear that im not good enough for anything

me: guess I just haven’t caught my fiSH yet! haha reel one in for me if you find one, sharon!!

hairsolongthatitlooklikeweave:

Originally posted by living-like-lily

bpdjerk:

someone: speaks louder than normal with a slightly aggressive tone
me: here come the tears

jackmeatington:

romanticfish:

jackmeatington:

person: hey are you ticklish at all?
me: *takes 8 steps back*
me: …….no……..

😈This is sooooo Daddy

illuminators:

‘i am genuinely paranoid that everyone secretly hates me and thinks i am really annoying and ugly and is pretending to be my friend and it’s all part of some big joke’

radboysehun:

im ok w spending $40 on food but wont buy a $40 shirt

retiredprince:

me as president